Relationship Reflection

"Human relationships, and the effects of relationships on relationships, are the building blocks of healthy development" (Shonkoff & Phillips, 2000, p. 4).

As humans we are social beings and we thrive when we are in connection with others. Relationships help us develop from infancy and throughout our lives. We learn a great deal about ourselves from the way we interact with the significant others in our circle.

Here are a few of the significant relationships in my life:

My daughter Emmalee

This relationship taught me how to be a mother. I learned that motherhood brings many joys and many challenges. I changed my career path and my ambition to be a mother. As she grows up our relationship changes and I learn more and more about myself. Parents are not only the teachers, but they are the learners in the parent/child connection.

My youngest daughter Ella

This relationship taught me that motherhood is an ongoing learning path. Having a new baby was a humbling experience. As a “professional” mother I was under the false impression that raising a new baby was going to be a walk in the park. Along came Ella to put me in my place! She shows me every day that our relationship is a work in progress. Our temperaments are different and our challenges are many! The phrase “patience is a virtue” is really implemented in this relationship. At her 11^th month of life, Ella has been my inspiration and motivation to be in the field of early childhood.

Gabby

My political or daughter via marriage (because the term step-child is derogatory in nature): Gabby has taught me that mothering by choice is a conscious decision. This relationship is a work in progress. Love in motherhood seems to be a given. But love in step-mothering is not such a clear cut idea. The fairy tale story often dwells on the idea of conflict between child and new parent. The step-parent is depicted as wicked or evil. I can surely relate to feeling as such character at times in our relationship. I love my child. I know we have our differences and I am often reminded I am not replacing her “real” mother- nor this is my desire. This relationship shows me that children need to be loved for more than a genetic connection. We know our relationship is special because we both choose our parent/child roles. In a way, she teaches me that mothering is not a popularity contest, but it sure is an election!

My marriage

My spouse, Lan, has taught me that marriage is a negotiation. We work as partners. We both bring strengths and areas of improvement to the plate. We know nobody is perfect and that is okay. We run our relationship like a business at times. We strategize and come up with logical solution to our conflicts. Compromise and communication help keep peace within our home. Love is not necessarily irrational and passionate. Yes, there is love and passion. But there is strong communication, objectivity and compromise- Marriage is about longevity. For feelings to last, commitment needs to coexist with compromise and mutual understanding.

Me!

This picture is not too flattering, but it was a moment captured of my time spent reflecting and writing.

Taking a risk of sounding narcissistic, I want to share that the most important relationship I have is with me. In order to have positive interactions with others I need to understand myself. I have to take care of my wants and needs. This goes back to the airplane announcement on placing the oxygen mask on you, before helping others get their masks. If you don’t know yourself, how do you expect others to figure it out? This relationship is a daily work in progress, I learn that some days I listen to my needs and wants and I fulfill them. Other days I neglect myselfL I know in other to meet everyone else’s wants and needs I need to meet my own. Prioritizing has helped me a great deal. I often ask is this a want or a need? Does this conflict with others’ wants or needs? What is priority? What is the best possible solution, and/or what consequence I can live with for this time?